Final Word from Monday, August 8, 2011
A top-secret experiment is under way at an unnamed Prague clinic that could transformthe treatment of early-stage cancer. The research is being headed by Ing. MiroslavKalousek (because nothing in the CR budges without his consent) and is basedon the economic theories of Nobel Laureate Paul Krugman. Patients with small tumorswill be ordered not to change any bad habits, so that tobacco companies, fastfoodrestaurants and other cancer-causers can maintain employment. Krugman hasshown that increasing the size of the tumor in the short term stimulates the economy,without increasing the risk to the patient. The Economist hesitantly agreed,as long as the treatment was accompanied by more "quantitative easing" of the pain.Only Dr. Yu Yongding of China disagreed, saying that the longer the tumor remained,the more violent and destructive the final removal would be. He was overruled.
Glossary of difficult words
satire - this is political and economic satire - no such experiment exists;
to budge - to make or cause the slightest movement;
consent - permission for something to happen or agreement to do something;
quantitative easing - the purchase by a central bank of new electronically created money; in our play on words, it means to reduce or relax the pain.